De cuando pude escucharme

Premiered within the framework of the «Cátedra Manuel de Falla», a Workshop with “Taller Sonoro” like resident ensemble, “De cuanto pude escucharme” was written at a time of great concern for musical listening in general that was transferred to my compositional facet. Its title represents a true declaration of what I believed at those time —and I still believe nowadays— that the compositional process , in an idealistic way should be: a process of listening to oneself, of progressive introspection, which must be sought both throughout the composition of a work, and a life dedicated to music. Although this statement could be understood in principle as an exaltation of the totally intuitive composition, I do not understand this process of listening, far from it, incompatible with the compositional technique, but totally complementary; In fact, a "well-trained pencil" ("pencil" is here understood as a metaphor for compositional technique), helps us to listen, becoming for us, like a fierce interrogator about all the details of what sounds inside us, essential to precisely define what we have found, and finally "extend" it effectively to the performer through musical writing. As it could not be otherwise, this progressive path in listening ends up becoming in turn a path of deepening oneself in which the "pencil" also acts as a fine stiletto that irremediably reveals experiences, intentions, fears, frustrations, desires and ultimately everything that the voice of the soul finds in its path to the outside. I also remember the moment of the composition of this work as part of a stage of searching for artistic emancipation with respect to those who had been my musical models. In this sense, when the work was finished and I had to make the first notes to the program, I discovered it was the first time that, in the form of a personal pronoun —"me" in Spanish—, I made it present in the title of a score... This doesn't mean that I wasn't in my previous scores, but maybe it does mean that I hadn't noticed.